Monday, September 27, 2010

And Then There Were Two.

When I was young, my mother always told me there were two types of people in this world; The kind that get married and have families, and the kind that dont.... And I just needed to face the fact that we were the type that dont. She always told me to just play the field, and keep my options open, because in reality, no man was worth MORE time then you give yourself.

And for years I thought she was right. I was convinced that I was defective, and that no one could love me... because I could not possibly love them. I ran from commitment, and probably broke the hearts of some really amazing men.

That was all before him. The one that stole me. ALL of me. Made me fell like no one else. Made me believe in things I never felt possible. Gave me perfection in the form of imperfection. Made me think that fairytales didnt just happen to princesses in far off places... that I too could have my happily ever after. He made something I was terrified of, forever, seem so short. And for a while thats what it was. Happily. Ever. After.

I went to and seen places some could only dream of. He made me smile, sing in the shower, and dance around like a fool. I was no longer scared of commitment, and all my walls came tumbling around us. And none of it mattered anymore. As far as I was concerned... I could wake up every morning with bad news coming in... as long as he was beside me... holding me. Just... holding me.

But reality sinks in... and it IS what mom says.

I still dont know if its me... if Im defective... incapable of love... or if it just wasnt what God wanted. All I know, is I wake up alone. My prince rode off in the sunset... and I fell off the horse. No strength left to climb back up for one last ride. I sleep alone, I cry alone, I sing to the radio in the car... alone. Why? Because I couldnt let myself miss out. I HAD to see if it was possible. ...You know.... that love buisness. Could it really work? Was there really such thing. And Im here to tell you... there is. Oh there is. But its never the same for any person. One could love one and not have a mutual feeling. Both could love. Both could love, but one could love something or someone else more. Its all different. But non the less... still the same. It come in without warning, knocks you off your feet... tells you its ok, and you want to believe it... but NEVER know if you can. So you stay down, waiting. For anything really. Some sign. And then it comes. Good for some. Horrid for others. There is no in between.

Im not going to make this long. But Ill leave you with this. If I never follow the advice of my mother... Ill follow this... No matter how much you miss them................ never let them know.


  1. This is Beautiful Micah! It's inspiring...I have felt this way so many times. Thank you for posting it...It touched me! Luv ya, Robin H.

  2. That's very interesting. We have very similar experiences ... One main one my ex wife. Seems I could have wrote this very same thing. About my step dad ... Me... And my ex wife. ... I swear almost word for word. His advice different but same meaning. My ex wife everything. Made me change the way I was told to believe .. Then left me in the dirt wondering how. We would probly be very surprised how similar our lives have been